Expendable

“Ladies and Gentlemen of the Geonosian Gladiator Arena! 
Presenting: The epic battle between a Star Trek-redshirt and a Star Wars-stormtrooper!” 

Redshirt:
Expendable,
I’m wearing red and I’m expendable. 
You need me dead? I am dependable.
You need me ‘live? I’m not your guy. 
‘Cause on the surface where Spock and Kirk is
It’s almost guaranteed I’m gonna die.
Expendable am I. 

Stormtrooper: 
Terrible,
When it comes to shooting I’m just terrible. 
I shot at 210 rebels and didn’t hit a single guy. 
I couldn’t hit the Death Star while on the Death Star.
I’d probably shoot my foot and then I’d cry.
A terrible shot am I. 

Redshirt:
Back at the academy, no-one was as bad as me.
Though I tried my very best. 
Get my teachers all irate. 
Puke from everything I ate.
Got an F on every test. 
Though, excelling was my wish
I broke the Main Deflector Dish
And they threw me out of class.
Then they caught me raising heck
Naked on the holodeck
I thought there’s no way I can pass.

And just when I thought that I was screwed
They said: “We’ve got the perfect job for you!”
You do?

“You’ll be expendable. 
You will wear red and be expendable.
For getting dead you are dependable.
In fact, you are the perfect guy!
If shields are down or we blow a warp core
It’s almost guaranteed you’re gonna die. 
Expendable!”
Am I. 

Stormtrooper:
Back when I was just a teen,
Growing up on Tatooine,
Beggars canyon was my scene.
But my aim was really bad,
Couldn’t bulls eye a womp-rat with my trusty T16.
This made me a little stressed,
More than just a bit depressed. 
Drowned my tears in Anchorhead.
There I met a man named Big
Said he had the perfect gig
To put me to the test. 

That’s just when I thought that I was screwed
He said: “We’ve got the perfect job for you!” 
You do? 

“You will be terrible. 
When it comes to shooting you’re just terrible.
You’ll shoot at 210 gungans
And not a single one will die. 
We’ll get the last laugh on Palpatine’s ass
By building him an army of guys
So terrible!”
Am I.

Redshirt: And that’s how I became a redshirt
Stormtrooper: And that’s how I became a trooper
Redshirt: And though alone we are pathetic
Both: Together we are super-duper! 
Stormtrooper: I’ll shoot at you from a foot or two 
And yet, much to you surprise,
I’ll miss you. 
Redshirt: Yet I’ll still die!
Stormtrooper: I’ll miss you.
Redshirt: Yet I’ll still
Both: Find a way to die.

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