The Trouble With Tribbles

I worked on a garbage scowl
Near the Neutral Zone
And I’m sure you’ve heard,
What occurs
When a fella is alone

I was mighty lonely there
‘Till I met a man named Jones
But he sold me a muff,
Covered in fluff
So I wouldn’t have to
Spank my bone.

So grab yourself a tribble
And then you’re good to go.
If you’ve got enough Quadrotriticale
You’ll have an endless
Supply of hos.
I grabbed myself some Vaseline
And slathered up my pole
But the trouble with these tribbles
They’re fuzzy and they’re cute
But I can never find the hole.
They’re fuzzy and they’re cute
But I can never find the hole!

That mate there is Scotty,
He’s our chief engineer.
And he’s never had a ho
‘Cause most don’t know
He’s queer as Vulcan beer!
I caught him with some tribbles
I said “Man, are you dumb?
Hear to my song, you’re doing it wrong”
He was shoving them up his bum!

So grab yourself a tribble
And then you’re good to go.
If you’ve got enough Quadrotriticale
You’ll have an endless
Supply of hos.
I grabbed myself some Vaseline
And slathered up my pole
But the trouble with these tribbles
They’re fuzzy and they’re cute
But I can never find the hole.

Klingon captain Koloth
He’s mean as he is shrewd.
And on shore leave, he got us peeved
Because he’s very rude.
We beamed all of our tribbles
To Koloth and his crew
But from the yells we couldn’t tell
Who was raping who!

So grab yourself a tribble
And then you’re good to go.
If you’ve got enough Quadrotriticale
You’ll have an endless
Supply of hos.
I grabbed myself some Vaseline
And slathered up my pole
But the trouble with these tribbles
They’re fuzzy and they’re cute
But I can never find the hole.

Bones says these critters are all
Pregnant when they’re born.
I had just one now I’ve a thousand, maybe more!
I’ve got so many now, I know just what to do
I think I’ll start an interstellar heavy petting zoo!
I was on K7 when I saw Mr. Jones
I gave him what for and said there’s more,
I’ve come to pick a bone.

That tribble that you sold me,
It had no hole to screw.
“You dope,” he said, “You don’t screw them!
You let those things screw you!”

So get yourself a tribble
And then your good to go.
If you have enough Quadrotriticale
You’ll have a dozen of them in your hole!
Get yourself some Vaseline and
Slather up your rump.
‘Cause the nice things bout these tribbles
They’re fuzzy and they’re cute
And you can put ‘em in your bum

So go back to your quarters
And on your bunk you lay.
You hope and pray that on our way
We pass a bird of prey
Tribbles hate the Klingons
They really make ‘em go.
They get irate and they vibrate
Up in your heiney hole!

So grab yourself a tribble
And then you’re good to go.
If you have enough Quadrotriticale
You’ll have a dozen of them in your hole!

I grabbed myself some Vaseline and
Slathered up my rump.
‘Cause the nice things bout these tribbles
They’re fuzzy and they’re cute
And you can put ‘em in your bum.

These tribbles boldly going up in your frackin’ hole!

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