The USS Make Shit Up (BiTrektual Version)

I was stranded on a planet, just me and Spock
We met a nasty, nazi alien who locked our asses up
We found a hunk of crystal and a metal piece of bed
We made a laser phaser gun
And shot him in the head

Well, I was standing on the bridge when Sulu came to me
His eyes were full of tears, he said: “Captain, can’t you see?
The ship is gonna blow do something I beseech.”
I grabbed a tribble and some chewing gum
And stopped the warp core breach

And I said,
Bounce a graviton particle beam
Off the main deflector dish
That’s the way we do things, lad,
We’re making shit up as we wish
The Klingons and the Romulans pose no threat to us
‘Cause if we find we’re in a bind
We just make some shit up

I know he’s just a child, and some think him a twit
But Wesley is the master when it comes to making up some shit
He’s the guy you want with you when you go out in space
Just tell him, “Shut up, Wesley!”
If he gets in your face.

And if you’re at a party on the starship Enterprise
And the karaoke player just plain old up and dies
Set up a neutrino field inside a can of peas
Hold on to Geordi’s visor
And sing into Data’s knees
And I said,
Bounce a graviton particle beam
Off the main deflector dish
That’s the way we do things lad,
We’re making shit up as we wish
The Klingons and the Romulans
They pose no threat to us
‘Cause if we find we’re in a bind
We just make some shit up

Sisko’s on a mission to go no bloody place
He loiters on a space station above Bajoran space
The wormhole’s opened up and now they come from near and far
We’ll keep the booze,
But please send back the fucking Jem-hadar
What is with the Klingons, remember in the day
They looked like Puerto Ricans and they dressed in gold lame
Now they look like heavy metal rockers from the dead
With leather pants and frizzy hair
And lobsters on their heads

And I say,
Bounce a graviton particle beam
Off the main deflector dish
That’s the way we do things lad,
We’re making shit up as we wish
The Klingons and the Romulans
They pose no threat to us
‘Cause if we find we’re in a bind
We just make some shit up

Well, I was stuck on Voyager, pounding on the door
When suddently it dawned on me: I’ve seen this show before
Perhaps I’m in a warp bubble and slightly out of phase
‘Cause it was way back in the sixties
When they called it “Lost in Space”

We were looking for a way to make the ratings soar
So we orchestrated an encounter with the Borg
Normally, you’d think that that would get us into shit
But this one has a smashing ass
And a lovely set of tits

And I say,
Bounce a graviton particle beam
Off the main deflector dish
That’s the way we do things, lad,
We’re making shit up as we wish
The Klingons and the Romulans
They pose no threat to us
‘Cause if we find we’re in a bind,
We just make some shit up!

Well, then they made a new show and it’s called Enterprise
And it takes place a hundred years
Before Kirk was alive
They say that it’s a prequel, or so that’s what it’s called,
It’s such a bad idea you’d swear that Lucas was involved

They have a Vulcan female, but she’s a nervous wreck
Her ass is sweet as sevens,
Only green, so what the heck
They’re in the past, but Klingons have those lobsters on their heads
I’m more confused than Wesley Crusher nude in Tasha’s bed.

And I say,
Bounce a graviton particle beam
Off the main deflector dish
That’s the way we do things, lad,
We’re making shit up as we wish
The Klingons and the Romulans
They pose no threat to us
‘Cause if we find we’re in a bind,
We just make some shit up!

“Bonus Verse!”

Well, it would seem a big wig
Up at Paramount
Must’ve felt the franchise was stale by all accounts.
‘Cause they hired JJ Abrams to give the thing a shove
I feared that he would mock and mangle everything I love

I went to the movies
And there, much to my shock,
There were hunky models playing Kirk and Spock
Vulcan’s been destroyed and the timeline has been crushed
So someone tell me why I love this film so fucking much!

And I say,
Bounce a graviton particle beam
Off the main deflector dish
That’s the way we do things, lad,
We’re making shit up as we wish
The Klingons and the Romulans
They pose no threat to us
‘Cause if we find we’re in a bind,
We’re totally screwed but nevermind
We’ll pull something out of our behind
“What does God need with a starship?”
We just make some shit up!

Site Meter